Once our emotions are recognized and accepted, we have a duty to respond to them with the intention of learning and growing. It assumes a real desire to hear the voice of our inner child: to be interested and to be empathetic.
Two conditions are necessary:
1. Believing in the legitimacy of one's feelings
We cannot become aware of what is going on within us as long as we are afraid (of being bad/null/judged/rejected/made at fault…) or ashamed. As long as we are afraid or ashamed, we withdraw or defend ourselves instead of opening up and welcoming new information about ourselves. As long as one (the adult) judges and despises, the other (the inner child) is silent and closes in on his suffering. There is no space for the inner child to love and repair the past on her own.
2. Accept feeling the pain
It is by making contact with the suffering deep within us that we can go back to the events of our childhood from which we have concluded that we are bad, faulty, unworthy of love or incapable, with so many beliefs generating shame.
This step requires us to behave with our inner child as we would with any child who is suffering:
What is happening ?
What are you feeling ?
What do you need ?
What are the causes ?
React as a loving adult
Question the inner child with a positive intention of growth
Third step: dialogue with your inner child & be attentive to the needs of your inner child
Start the dialogue with your inner child. Where do you start? There are several types of situations in which to engage in dialogue with the inner child.
The Daily Experiences
In everyday life, many of us have to deal with finding answers to general questions such as what color do you want to wear? Where would you like to go on vacation? What kind of creative activities would you like to have? …)
Sometimes, you also have to retrieve memories or beliefs. Does anything right now remind you of an old memory? Does this person remind you of mom/dad? Do you need to be held while you live through the same pain you experienced as a child?
Listening to the inner child with non-judgmental adult ears:
What are the feelings?
What are the emotions ?
What are the beliefs?
What are the fears?
What are the needs ?
What is the demand?
Understand how to act as a loving adult despite all the buried childhood memories and beliefs you had to assume because that was what your parents instilled in you. Are you helping to perpetuate these beliefs/fears/unpleasant feelings to your children? If yes, how do you put an end to it? How do you intervene with love?
In summary : Dialogue with the inner child -> the loving adult asks questions to explore the feelings, needs and beliefs of the child; the child responds sincerely; the adult listens and responds without judging. It is apparent that childhood healing requires professional help in most cases. Therefore, it is in your best interest to consult with a life coach.